Our journey to Twice Blessed

If it quacks like a duck, it may be a duck, applies here.  Or if the shoe fits...we feel K acts as if he may  have nonverbal learning disorders.  We also think our son is very gifted.   Probably PDD fits, too.  And that's OK.   We talk about him being "on the spectrum".  "Shadow Syndromes" was mentioned to us by GDC.   Hopefully, we can use this information to get Kev the services at school that he needs.  I explained to  him we were going to use some of these labels to help him, not hold him back. He already knows he's different. 

Hind site is always best...at the age of 4 maybe, K's  didn't have "school" skills. He couldn't switch easily from one activity to another. He didn't understand picking up toys when he wasn't ready. He had no interest in preschool puzzles.  He would not (could not?) write his name.  He became angry if his lego  came apart.  He never wanted to draw or paint.  He liked to play by himself.  He showed no interest in learning to write.  His fine and gross motor were never where they should have been.  Yet at the same time, he was learning to keyboard and play computer games.  He could tell you anything you wanted to know about the Solar System, Dinosaurs, or Zoology.  Before long he could spell words he couldn't pronounce.  K was a spontaneous reader.  All of a sudden one day he could read!  To this day, I have never heard him sound out a word.  He started Kindergarten reading Level 2 Readers.  The cutting and coloring emphasized in the lower grades were absolutely torture for him.  He enjoyed the social interaction with other children, but at the same time seemed bewildered by it.  He always preferred non-fiction books. At 10, he may verbally be comparing the molecular structure of alcohols and sugars while I tie his shoes.

His rote memory has always been amazing!  Initially a source of pride, what seems precocious on a 3 year old, appears weird on a 8 year old. It is certainly one of his strengths. I'm so thankful he has it, he relies on it so much.

 Every year  we told my son next year will be a better fit at school.  At 10 he no longer believes it.  At the end of the 1st quarter last year, K seemed challenged, happy, and the teachers had "no concerns". December was hard. (No coincidence they were coloring maps and regions in Social Studies, his favorite class and beginning long division in Math, his least favorite class).   It was obvious he was no longer able to "get by".  I asked that testing be done. Three weeks later, guess what? Verbal scores in the superior range and nonverbal scores down to average. The interesting part was the 27 point spread  (WISK- III).  Severe discrepancies were noted in math fluency, written expression, and writing samples.  Mathematics and written language were in the Average range, while all other scores were in the Superior Range(WJ-3).  No other testing was done ("to test or not to test, that is the question...").  

 K is delighted that FINALLY we understands how hard things are for him. My husband has self-diagnosed himself, his sister, his mother, my father, my sister, my brother-in-law, a few nephews, and at least one niece.  (Though we haven't told them yet:).  

We are just at the beginning of the ongoing battle to help my son grow into his potential.  He appears (thank heavens), very verbal and very competent.  I am upset that the school wants to "fix" him to fit their "model student".  He deserves an appropriate education as much as the next kid, and the laws are on our side.  Taking recess away will not cure a neurological anomaly.    This is my soapbox, so to speak.  Studies have shown a lack of success for children at both ends of the old IQ bell curve. Schools seem to understand  when a child deviates from the mean to the left. We all accept that they will have to work hard to keep up with classes.  We know their difficulties are genuine.  We provide modifications and support.  But equally remote are those kids that deviates from the mean to the right, two, three or four standard deviations.  Regular curriculum is not always appropriate for these kids either.  Schools don't always provide accommodations and support.  The child is told (in so many words) to accept boredom, learn to be compliant, and don't expect too much.   A child with an I.Q. of 50 wouldn't be put in a regular classroom, with no modifications. (A metaphor: In swimming lessons the best swimmers are passed on to a level to match their abilities.  What would be done with the swimmer that developed asynchronously?  The swimmer can do the crawl and the breaststroke  and tests at the top of the chart.  What if the swimmer can't dive,  or do the backstroke quite as well?  And what if that same swimmer can only do the butterfly, average? )  K wants challenge, tolerance, and acceptance.  He's chosen last in gym, not called on when he raises his hand, told to apply himself, and to put his book away.  (Can you imagine a coach telling the better players," we are going to let some of the kids that can't play as well into the game today.  As a matter of fact, I think I'll have you set on the bench this season". )  He receives a lot of negative  responses from both children and adults.  He's shown little value, little respect.  Maybe gifted kids need to be regarded as category of special needs.  Gifted kids with learning disabilities need their disabilities recognized, they're legitimate!  Most mandated money is spent on kids that would fall on the left side of the bell curve.  I think there are just as many struggling students on the other side.  Equal education doesn't have to mean everyone does the same thing.  Ideally equal education might mean everyone gets to learn-something.

If you met K you would see a tall, broad shouldered, blond, blue-eyed kid. At first you might think he was shy because he often doesn't look at peoples faces until he's comfortable.  You would quickly be impressed that he seems knowledgeable beyond his years on almost any subject; current events, history, scientific breakthroughs, environmental issues, health...You would be amazed at how helpful and entertaining he is with his younger brother and sister. He would seem eager-to-please, affectionate and respectful of his parents and grandparents. In 4th Grade he was proud that he was one of the first in his class to pass his multiplication facts thru 12's, last year he got second place in the conference spelling bee, in 4th grade, year first place.  Last summer he won a blue ribbon in a speaking contest for a five minute speech on computers.  This summer the blue- ribbon was for a speech on pocket computers.  He loves legos, Harry Potter, Redwall, computers, Star Wars, Science and the History Channel, and the Weather Channel  You would be shocked when he starts quoting scripture, chapter and verse, and reciting Psalms and poems ( We love Shel Silverstien). I could tell you he never forgets a phone number, web address, license plate, or words to a song. Even teachers comment they have never seen a kid read as much as he does, or enjoy it more. You would never suspect his teachers think him disrespectful, belligerent, defiant, rude, lazy and disruptive. You would never suspect he has trouble writing a sentence, reading music (though he plays beautifully), catching a ball, tying his shoes, zipping a coat, buttoning jeans, putting together a six-piece puzzle, using scissors, kicking a ball, understanding sarcasm or idioms. (He won't even try skating or riding a bike) You wouldn't know he's terrified of the dark, slides, heights, swings,  crowds, storms, skis, sleds, diving boards, and deep water.  Only we know he cries himself to sleep a lot of nights, and he likes to sleep in a hammock with ear plugs.  I personally most admire his honesty, tenacity and perseverance (He must get that from his Father...).